A Big Thing

“I tried to disappear, but I couldn’t. So I built a life for myself instead.”

I felt like a loser for the longest time. I’m very quiet and I like to read a lot and listen to music. I’m good at PS3. I do those things instead of being with a lot of people who are drinking and huffing. Partly because I don’t like those activities, but also because they would wonder what I was doing there if I did go to one of their parties.

I don’t talk a lot because my teeth are so awful. That really bothers me and I wish I liked the way I looked. My sister would laugh at me and say I was an emo because of my clothes and music. And I did wear a lot of eyeliner. (An emo is like a goth, but sad instead of angry.)

So, for a long time it was like I was invisible. I stayed in my room as much as I could. I felt like maybe I really could disappear; just not exist, but I would wait for a sign that it was time. That sign never came. I just kept on listening to my music and reading.

I decided I would go to the dentist the next time he came to my community. That seems like such a stupid little decision, but it was a big thing.